Singing Toes

by Liz von Achen

It’s Valentine’s Day Eve — probably not considered by many to be an ‘eve’ of any great significance. It’s certainly not on the same ‘eve’ par as Christmas Eve or New Year’s Eve. In fact, Valentine’s Day Eve only warrants mention here on my blog for one simple reason: I have NO idea what to give to my valentine.

Apparently, I am not the only person vexed with this Valentine’s Day Eve dilemma. A reader has just left a comment (elsewhere) on this blog, asking for advice about what to give to his girlfriend.

“I was thinking about putting some stuff together for Valentine’s Day for my girlfriend.. maybe like a photo frame or something I don’t know exactly what to do.. you think you can help me out? I wanted something nice maybe like a gift basket but I don’t want to be too corny. Can anyone help me out?” wrote the reader, whom we will simply refer to hereafter as “the reader.”

Dear “The Reader,”

Do NOT give your valentine a gift basket (unless it’s filled with an assortment of diamond jewelry in pretty light blue boxes from Tiffany)! Gift baskets (especially those filled with lotions and bath gels from Bath & Body Works) are THE WORST things to give to your girlfriend on Valentine’s Day! Your girlfriend gets enough of those crappy gift baskets from her other girlfriends, who re-gift all the crappy gift baskets they get from their boyfriends. Holy schmoaks, the reader! Get a clue! Grow an imagination, will ya? You have a better chance getting laid on Valentine’s Day if you give her a can of tuna! I repeat; DO NOT GIVE HER A DUMB GIFT BASKET!!!

On the other hand, the reader, I think you may be onto something with the “corny” idea. I say, go ahead; go unabashedly “corny” this Valentine’s Day! Yes, why the hell not? Do you think you could possibly find a vibrator that looks exactly like an ear of corn? You could wrap the vibrator in actual corn-husks, for an even bigger Valentine’s Day surprise.

What girl wouldn’t LOVE a gift like that?

Well, I hope I’ve been immeasurably helpful, the reader.

Sincerely,
Liz (aka Singing Toes)

Wow- I feel really good now about helping that poor clueless guy with gift ideas for his sweetie. But enough about him, let’s get back to me. If only I knew what my valentine would REALLY like — hmmm… hmmm… — okay, I mean what would he REALLY like, which doesn’t involve me disrobing and physically assuming an unnatural position?

Also, how mushy and sentimental should I get with a gift for my valentine, (whom we will simply refer to hereafter as “my valentine” or “lover-boy”)? Read the rest of this entry »

My sis Terri and her kids, Robbie and Veronica posed for a shot to commemorate the “Great Tool Event” at Ace Hardware tonight. And to think we only went there to buy hooks to string some Christmas lights! How lucky were we, to stumble upon such a GREAT EVENT?

Robbie, Veronica and Terri attending the "Great Tool Event" in Akron, Ohio.

Ace employees gave us odd looks when we walked in announcing we were there for the “event.” When we asked where the “event” was, they directed us towards the back of the store. All they had there were a bunch of tools for sale, and the restrooms! — Some stinkin’ “Great Event”!